I just dropped off our little Cavalier King Charles Spaniel at the Vet. Today is a big day for him because he is getting “fixed.” Who came up with that word? I know it is better than “castrated” and too many people get neutered and spayed confused. So “fix” is an easy alternative.
Whatever you call it, it still makes me wince. Admit it, you shuddered when you read the first paragraph, didn’t you! Is this something that needs to be discussed, especially in polite company? Just get it done. It’s better for him. It’s also better for us, as I hope it will stop his wanderlust before it begins. Even so, I wish there were a better way.
But there isn’t. I trust our Vet because I have known her for almost twenty years. She says it’s not only good for him, it is the socially responsible thing to do. So why do I feel I need to apologize to Sancho?
While not many of us have had to face Sancho’s trial, if you live long enough you will face pain, suffering, and loss. Yesterday I mentioned to Julie how someone we just met has had a lot of loss in his life. I then quickly added, “just like the rest of the world.” Have you ever wondered what God thinks and feels about how difficult life is?
Through my journey of grief, I have a clearer view of the presence of God in the midst of my suffering. While there is much yet to learn, I do know that he is not disinterested or immune from our pain. God feels. God deeply grieves when we face the pain, suffering and loss. Even when sometimes such experiences can be redemptive, God suffers with us. Even when those losses are seemingly random, without purpose, God suffers.
We live in midst of a mystery called life. Many have tried to explain why suffering exists. How can a good and loving God allow such pain? I used to be pretty confident of my theology of suffering, called theodicy. Then I experienced the greatest loss of my life and my theology let me down. Now all I know is that it is a deep, ineffable mystery but that doesn’t mean God is absent from our pain. God is present. Fully, deeply and intimately. We may never know why we face all of the pain of this life. But we can know and experience a love that transcends the loss and upholds us in the midst of it.
When we dropped off Sancho this morning I felt compelled to apologize to him. I cannot explain to him why the pain he will experience will soon be replaced with chasing balls and jumping around like a little bunny but I can hold him, soothe him and let him know that I care. Where did I learn to do that? I learned it from a God that I trust because I have known God most of my life. When I faced great pain, God did not leave me to deal with it alone. God was and continues to be in the middle of the pain, walking with me and calling me to continue to trust God.
Until next time,
DP