I Was Wrong

Richard Rohr states that there are three primary things that we have to let go of. First is the compulsion to be successful. Second is the compulsion to be right—even, and especially, to be theologically right…. Finally there is the compulsion to be powerful, to have everything under control. I’m convinced that these are the three demons Jesus faced in the wilderness. And so long as we haven’t looked these three demons in the face, we should presume that they’re still in charge. The demons have to be called by name, clearly, concretely, and practically, spelling out just how imperious and self-righteous we are.-

Rohr’s statement perfectly describes my struggles through the years. I was bitten by the bigger is better bug and worked hard to grow the numbers in the church. What if I would be known as the first Rector in the Episcopal Church that grew the very first Episcopal Mega Church. Don’t laugh. That is what motivated me. I made many decisions to support that possibility, even though I knew that it wasn’t likely to happen. There were too many things that worked against that possibility but that didn’t slow me down.

The Episcopal Church is a gift to humanity. Its historical and catholic context along with an apostolic connection is similar to the Roman Catholic and Orthodox Church but it differs from both in its progressive theology, largely speaking. Beyond theology, I still feel chills when I engage in the liturgy and sing the ancient (and theological dense) hymnody. The fact that it is small does not limit the significance it makes in the contemporary world. It was once referred to as the “Church of Presidents” and while it may no longer be able to claim such distinction, it arguably has a larger influence on culture than perhaps it should. It is not without its challenges but looking both backward and forward through them, the Church remains positioned to have an inordinate influence on both the larger church and society. With the demise of American evangelicalism the Episcopal Church will continue to offer a life giving and theologically progressive alternative, because of both its resilience and richness.

Despite this, I worked against the very things that make the Episcopal Church such a treasure. Without feeling called to do so, I worked to open up the Church to a larger population to which it usually appeals. I was not being malevolent but I had forgotten why I was attracted to it and suspected that it would grow if it looked more like the American evangelical church that seemed to be free of the growth restraints that I felt were holding the Episcopal Church back. I was wrong. My desire to see the growth was rooted in the very warnings that Richard Rohr made.